i just think a great deal more of it should be chill and or cool. you know?

I continue to have just a heck of a time keeping my mood “up” for longer than a day or three. just being in my apartment, going for a walk or a jog, maybe going to sit at a nearby cafe for an hour to read. a person comes over for a little bit every now and then. I’m reading more, playing more long ass video games, hell I even watched all seven paranormal activity movies a couple weeks ago (the first and seventh movies are the best, though there are real high points in 3 and 5)!!! I mean what the hell am I even doing, ya know?

work’s fine. even good! but I’m mostly paying off debts, paying rent, what have you. it’s very weird to have steady, good-paying work. sure do wonder how I would have turned out if this had happened any time prior to 35 god darn years old.

man I dunno. I’ve had some good days recently! fun times with friends. but the days are many and long, you know? and I do not wish to be the person I am. I keep trying to tell myself I can be somebody different. And I am changing. but it’s hard to feel like it’s for the better most of the time.

if you don’t mind the way you look, or you enjoy your own company in your mind, or you’ve had any level of financial stability as an adult… I’m just reminding you to count your lil blessings. I’m trying to count mine!! I know I put ‘em around here somewhere

DNA Lounge reluctantly stops checking vaccination status, not because it’s safe, but because nobody else is doing it.

There are lots of things that we could be doing to bring this pandemic to an end, but we as a society are simply not doing most of them.

We can all look forward to years of people telling us, "It's just a cold, everybody gets it twice a year, whatever." And your personal experience may support that in the short term, because with vaccinations, probably very few people you know will be hospitalized. But Long COVID is a god damned hurricane of multiple sclerosis, diabetes, chronic fatigue, weird clots, loss of lung capacity, brain damage, and inexplicable neurological conditions, and it's coming right at us.

And in this hurricane, instead of building levees and storm drains, the government is telling us, "everybody should take personal responsibility for deciding what level of moistness they are comfortable with".

And in this hurricane, as it uproots trees and batters your storm windows, your friend rolls their eyes and asks, "Are you just going to stay home forever?"

Five Iron Frenzy — Huerfano

I know I've posted this one before. I could post the whole album, because I'm listening to it again for the 200th time. It's hard to believe Five Iron Frenzy has continued to transform and make new-feeling music that also happens to be exactly what I want to listen to, for so many years.

I'm so tired. But I can also rest, which is very different from where I was a year ago, two years ago, ten years ago. I want to feel my fighting spirit return. It flickers and whispers sometimes. These songs help.

The Strokes — One Way Trigger

just listened to this album for the first time yesterday. it feels messy and strange, but it grew on me immediately. this song immediately embedded itself. upbeat, hard-to-parse song about discontent? guess i have a type

I'm excited to read this new collection of essays about Mark Z. Danielewski's The Familiar. One of my favorite set of books. The last essay is by Mark. I dread (pleasantly) reading it.

I collected all of the separate articles into one PDF for my convenience. So if you want that, here's a link.

half•alive — "back around"

great song, great album. this is the only thing I've ever heard that resembles the production on The Velvet Teen's "Cum Laude," particularly the synths and overblown bullhorn vocals on "gyzm kid." If it's not a direct reference, I'd be very surprised!

which track is, by the way, a tour de force:

Do the people you love still come greet you like you'd never left off? Or has your skin become too rough? Is it too hard to even keep in touch?

Yeah, i try my best, but when i can't
And i'm away, know you've all my love
In this sea turtle moment
To have and to hold
As our bodies burden
This returning torrent

it's fucked up that this album is approaching 20 years old

apropos of nothing, since I have this song in my head:

fuck the confederacy and its mewling idiot modern-day supporters :)

but also fuck the imperial united states, all wars of aggression, and all institutions of oppression :)))

This track, and this whole album, have really become hall of famers in my solitary household.

Now you say, "I see your face every turn I make
I find no comfort there"
I add, "I hear your voice with every mistake
It's like you're always here"

I feel I've stood here once before
Would you run after me?
Would you run or do we disappear?