as a masculine-presenting person, I have been regarded in public as a distasteful and probably-threatening person my whole adult life, and while I’ve never really gotten used to it, I can accept it.

anyway I dunno if it’s the 15 pounds I put on when I couldn’t exercise during the first year of covid, all the stress and age finally hitting my face, or what, but lately I’ve been gettin a real homunculus stink eye from strangers in public. Maybe it’s partly because I keep wearing a mask to go in buildings. maybe it’s my energy, which has not been particularly high.

about five years ago I had managed to be more fit, more energetic, had some good vibes going even though financially I was always one step from doom. crossing the threshold into 2020 took an awful lot from me, including all that stuff. now I’ve got steady work but it’s no fun / not responsible(!!!!) going out to places, all my favorite spots in this city are gone anyway, annnnnd time is just matching me on further and further from ever having had a chance to really embrace a life I could have loved.

anyway, I sure do hate my body and the way it seems like most people perceive me through it!!!!! i am not an enemy, and i sure as shit didn’t ask to look like this

demi lovato — dead friends

demi lovato — substance

this album is a rockpoppunk celebration, and I love it!!!

Just came back to Helena Deland's "Something New." I really love this record. Alongside Now, Now's "Saved," and probably a couple other albums I found in the last couple years, this beat-driven ambient pop is what my songs would sound like now, if I could have songs

Me when I wake up on a Friday morning:

(yo this berserk comic is fucked up, who knew)

🥲🫣

but, minor damage aside, “The Passion of David Lynch” is incredible, one of my favorite critical works ever. Highly recommend it. I’m about to start Nochimson’s “Swerves” which takes up where “Passion” leaves off, with Lost Highway.

I don’t feel capable of communicating the vast, subterranean complex of emotions that subsumed me as I watched the film “The Elephant Man” for the first time tonight.

True tears at the delight in simple human kindness. How much kindness has been burned away in me. How much of life’s color has been drained. And yet how little it takes.

I want to sleep soundly, awake refreshed, and calmly pursue the action of a day. This hardly ever happens. And yet I have so much. No family on the mantlepiece. To admire one’s mother without having met her. To be regarded, with kindness, in a world where people do speak to each other. Our horrible nature, bred pestilent by scarcity and utter lack of dignity for so many. “How else is he to make a living?” Appearance, a prison, but some get to be cathedrals. None of this is right.

“Never. Oh, never. Nothing will die. The stream flows, the wind blows, the cloud fleets, the heart beats. Nothing will die.”

If only.

jimmy eat world — criminal energy

this album is still chef's makeout

bill wurtz - meet me in september

"is this bus voluminous?" lol