I think the last time I really enjoyed using a computer was 2013, give or take! Things coasted for a few years after that, but right now the only reason I can use a computer is because my job provides me with one. However, it's locked down and frustrating in too many ways to count.

Things I had in 2013–2017 that all worked smoothly together, that I no longer have:

  • My own functioning laptop, with ports that work with hardware that I own!
  • Reason for music and podcast production, before forced Mac updates caused the interface to lag exponentially the longer a project was open. I'm not gonna subscribe to this shit just to find out if I can make it work again. I haven't made an effort to learn Reaper yet, because I don't own a computer I'm allowed to install it on, and don't have hardware for inputs!
  • Reliable XLR interface for microphones. I had one that worked for like 10 years, a firewire 800 interface that eventually I dongled into 2.0, and then died. The next one I bought with USB 2.0 didn't have external power, and the 2012 Macbook I have doesn't consistently provide USB power. So when I try to use it, periodically all the software freaks out because it loses connection. When I try connecting it to a USB-C hub into my newer work macbook, it freaks out intermittently in a different way, because USB-C hubs are bullshit
  • same with USB MIDI interface. I have a USB 2.0 midi adapter with a bunch of knobs that I bought in ~2006, and really loved using! can't get it to work with a computer anymore
  • Photoshop! Motherfucking Photoshop!!!!!! I AM VERY GOOD AT USING PHOTOSHOP AND I CANNOT / WILL NOT PAY A MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION FOR IT AND I HATE THEM SO MUCH NOW. When I did try subscribing, it ran worse every 6 months on my aging hardware. Maybe I could get my job to pay for a subscription, but fuck Adobe.
  • Acoustic guitar, because the one my dad gave me at age 15, he made my brother take back 15 years later when I cut ties after they voted for Trump and finally broke the illusion that I was getting anything out of our relationship but pain. Fuck him, too.
  • A fucking car

... I could keep on. I acquired all these pieces at considerable personal cost, and slowly they died while I didn't make enough money to replace them. I'm making more money this year than I ever have, but I'm also paying greater expenses than ever, and paying off debt that accumulated while I struggled to survive. Or, if they didn't die, irresponsible software developers and ignorant hardware designers gradually made my shit stop working even when it was physically fine.

I really, really want access to tools I'm comfortable using, so I can think less about the tools and more about the work. I don't like Affinity Photo, it literally can't do some of the things I like doing most. I don't like Reaper's interface, though I'm going to try to learn it whenever I can save enough to try replacing some of this hardware. But fundamentally I have to buy myself a new computer, which is so fucking expensive, and none of the computers I could stand to use have the old ports that will work with my old shit. So I have to buy all that stuff again, too. Thousands and thousands of dollars I don't have. Years and years of experience and knowledge, obsoleted and inaccessible.

It's horrific how expensive it is just to live in this stupid country. And how unreliable our expensive tools are. And how much of what I enjoy doing depends on these commercial objects. I truly hate it!!!!!!

But I sure would like to be able to make some music again.