I have a hard time with the balance between publishing and letting go of what happens after. I'm wired up to do things performatively; if I write a story or make an image, I want to walk around and show it to everybody immediately. That can be positive, because the thought of showing something can help me push through the difficulty of finishing something in the first place. But then, if I finish something and post it to the internet, there's just... never really enough feedback. It gets hard to focus on other things, because I keep checking to see if anybody else has noticed and let me know they noticed.
Mostly, they don't. I know this is because I mostly make things with pretty niche appeal, and that I don't have a massive available audience. The people who liked any of my podcasts, my websites, my visual art, my stories, or my music... are not necessarily going to like any of the other things! I have always had too many modes for simple market value. If I could just tell jokes, or just sing songs, or whichever of these things... I would have! And it's fine that I have diverse interests and that not everything is a hit. There are plenty of reasons to make things that interest you, and if a few of my friends think something is neat — or even if they don't! — that should be enough.
If it isn't... I've gotta work on that. Either focus on making more-marketable things, and then figure out how to market them, or make better peace with my art being a personal act.
I sure would like my stuff to find its audience, though. A few people have read my Garfield script and told me they loved it. Great! Where's everybody else? Where do I send this shit? Where's the platform? I have never known what to do with that phase. When I made albums, I never sent them to labels. Like, duh. I know I ought to submit my stories to... what, websites? Which ones? Who the fuck publishes surreal absurdist fiction? This is a real question.
In the meantime, I'm trying to remind myself that it's okay to post and then step back. Posting things here is easier than posting them to twitter. I'm still mostly blocking twitter and enjoying greater peace. In that peace, I make more things. But then I share it, because I have to, and that sharing disrupts the peace. So with all of this I'm basically just trying to say to myself, "Don't worry about it. Let it go. If there's no marketing push or end goal, just post and move on."
And say thanks to those of you who do like some of the things I make. I reckon I'm not an easy artist to follow all the time, but I'm trying harder than ever to make things that satisfy me and might bring greater pleasure to others, too. For whatever reasons, to whatever end. Wahoo!