for as much livin as we have to do

i just think a great deal more of it should be chill and or cool. you know?

I continue to have just a heck of a time keeping my mood “up” for longer than a day or three. just being in my apartment, going for a walk or a jog, maybe going to sit at a nearby cafe for an hour to read. a person comes over for a little bit every now and then. I’m reading more, playing more long ass video games, hell I even watched all seven paranormal activity movies a couple weeks ago (the first and seventh movies are the best, though there are real high points in 3 and 5)!!! I mean what the hell am I even doing, ya know?

work’s fine. even good! but I’m mostly paying off debts, paying rent, what have you. it’s very weird to have steady, good-paying work. sure do wonder how I would have turned out if this had happened any time prior to 35 god darn years old.

man I dunno. I’ve had some good days recently! fun times with friends. but the days are many and long, you know? and I do not wish to be the person I am. I keep trying to tell myself I can be somebody different. And I am changing. but it’s hard to feel like it’s for the better most of the time.

if you don’t mind the way you look, or you enjoy your own company in your mind, or you’ve had any level of financial stability as an adult… I’m just reminding you to count your lil blessings. I’m trying to count mine!! I know I put ‘em around here somewhere