This is to report that my emotions are very weird right now. No strong desires in any direction. Functional progress on multiple fronts, against the tide of feeling vaguely useless. But it's all I have energy for. I keep engaging with various activities and then feeling somewhere between hollow and bad. I would like to be able to relax and have a good time, but a high number of things have gone wrong or simply changed in the last couple of months, while my available resources have remained tightly-constrained. I appreciate the friends who have helped take care of me. I apologize to anyone who hasn't heard from me, or who I've let down recently. Believe me: I don't want me to be like this, either.
i just want to do my thing
I have a counseling appointment on Monday, and then a psychiatrist visit in a few weeks. Things are """fine""", but I'm thinking I need recalibrating again.
It's hard for me to be broke, working 10+ hour days, have personal relationships failing, and to regard my life as anything but a series of smoking craters where dreams briefly took flight on volatile fuel. LOL
At least it doesn't feel so bad anymore!! 🧠 💊