as a masculine-presenting person, I have been regarded in public as a distasteful and probably-threatening person my whole adult life, and while I’ve never really gotten used to it, I can accept it.
anyway I dunno if it’s the 15 pounds I put on when I couldn’t exercise during the first year of covid, all the stress and age finally hitting my face, or what, but lately I’ve been gettin a real homunculus stink eye from strangers in public. Maybe it’s partly because I keep wearing a mask to go in buildings. maybe it’s my energy, which has not been particularly high.
about five years ago I had managed to be more fit, more energetic, had some good vibes going even though financially I was always one step from doom. crossing the threshold into 2020 took an awful lot from me, including all that stuff. now I’ve got steady work but it’s no fun / not responsible(!!!!) going out to places, all my favorite spots in this city are gone anyway, annnnnd time is just matching me on further and further from ever having had a chance to really embrace a life I could have loved.
anyway, I sure do hate my body and the way it seems like most people perceive me through it!!!!! i am not an enemy, and i sure as shit didn’t ask to look like this