look

I keep trying to start writing about “how I feel” right now, and it’s both too hard to articulate AND immediately boring to me. I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do if you can’t be even a little bit invested in your own story, but right now I’m finding that really difficult!

Anyway, just wanted to type out loud that if I could be less of a weird fuck-up, I would be!!! And I’m always trying to be. I’ve learned so much, but feel like I started from such a deficit in terms of understanding anything at all, while accruing increasing damage along the way. It hurts to try to have bigger, deeper thoughts right now. Like walking on glass. There’s just too much, within myself, and in the unfortunate world, to grapple with right now. I barely survived the last few years. I’m maybe in a more stable place now. I’m really, really trying to be all right and do well by the people who still put up with me.